Thursday, 30 October 2008
Monday, 27 October 2008
I also bumped into the delightful Sue Ward whom I will always remember for her spectacular lecture at the AA Conference. Sue has the admirable knack for making very complicated points crystal clear. Unforgettable! Sue also appreciates my fruity language and even threatened to quote me once (she bottled out). But I don't hold it against her. When I read Maurice's lecture at the Bath Spa graduate conference, he put a little note at the bottom of his notes with the instructions: "Don't forget to tell Rob Hand (who was in the audience) that I got his number!" Needless to say, I bottled out. Perhaps Sue and I share the common trait of knowing when to keep quiet. Somehow, I doubt that. . .
OK, we're in the middle of a credit crunch and I've been blowing all my dosh on a thoroughly spectacular weekend with a wide range of people. In fact, I'm feeling rather blessed and thank the gods and goddesses that be for my good fortune. But that's not to say I haven't been exploring ways to cut corners and be frugal. Here'a little Saturn in Cancer in the second house advice I won't be following though. . .
A little old man is taking his evening walk when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He gets closer and says to her, “Hey lady would let me bite your breasts for £500?”
“Are you crazy?!! she replies and keeps walking away.
He keeps a few steps behind and makes another offer; “Would you let me bite your breasts for £1,000?”
The woman turns back and says, “Listen you; I’m not that kind of a woman! Got it?”
But the very determined old man walking a few feet behind says; “Would you let me bite your breast just once for £10,000?”
The woman stops, thinks about it for a while and says, “Hmmm, £10,000; OK, just once, but let's go to that dark alley.”
They go to the alley, where she takes off her top to reveal the most gorgeous breasts he has ever seen. He grabs them and starts fondling them slowly, caressing them, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.
The woman gets annoyed and asks, “Well? Are you going to bite them or not?”
“Nah,” says the old man. “Costs too much…”
Thursday, 23 October 2008
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again, there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer.
The mice answered, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?"
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?"
The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those 'Meals On Wheels' you've been sending by are the best!"
Saturday, 18 October 2008
To honour Wynton, here's a little video from youtube. By the way, this was what I played for my final recital at University. Only, I um, wasn't quite so damn good. But nearly. This reminds me of the traditional trumpet player greeting:
But I think I could restrain from saying this to Wynton.
Oh-oh, I can feel a joke just for Wynton coming up! This one is Sun conjunct Jupiter in Pisces in the tenth with a square to Saturn:
The other player replied, "Oh, that's just God. He only likes to think that he's Wynton Marsalis."
I love you, Wynton. Happy Birthday!!
Saturday, 11 October 2008
A man is cooking in his back yard on his BBQ grill. He glances over at his wife and notices how large her behind is.
He then looks at his grill and looks back at his wife and says, "Honey I think your butt might be as big as the grill!"
He didn't stop there, he then went into the house and got a tape measure and measured the grill then his wife's ass.
Later that night, the couple decided to get a little frisky in bed.
Friday, 3 October 2008
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried,"Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 31 years."